Hope Will Lead Us On

Hello Sunshine,

Today is the 9th anniversary of the release of BarlowGirl’s first, self-titled album, BarlowGirl. I was ten years old when 18-year-old Lauren, 22-year-old Alyssa, and 24-year-old Rebecca Barlow released their first album as BarlowGirl. When their second album, “Another Journal Entry” was released on September 27, 2005, I was eleven years old. Then when their third album, “How Can We Be Silent,” was released on July 24, 2007, I was thirteen.

In early to mid-2008, I was looking through the family CD collection in hopes of finding some music, and my mission was a success. I picked up the self-titled BarlowGirl CD, placed it in my CD player, and for the first time ever, listened to a whole CD from beginning to end without skipping a single track. If you had told me then that one album, that album, could leave a life-changing impact in my personal world, I would have laughed and said, “Yeah, right!”

Now, at 19 years old, I sit here as a young woman who is slowly, but steadily, growing, rather slowly diminishing as I would have been had God never led me to pick up their CD in 2008. Since the day I first picked up their CD, they have released three more CDs, including the September 23, 2008 release of their Christmas album “Home for Christmas,” the September 8, 2009 release of their final album, “Love and War,” and the September 14, 2010 release of their best of album, “Our Journey…So Far.” Lauren is now 27, Alyssa is 31, and Becca is 33, and on October 29, 2012, they announced that God had called them to let go of their 10-year calling in order to follow a new calling, which He would share with them in His own timing. To the best of the fans’ knowledge, all we know about their new calling is that they are to relax and enjoy life.

After the announcement of BarlowGirl’s disbandment, I cried several times, and sometimes I still feel like crying. Most people think I am obsessed with BarlowGirl, because I own several things with their names on them, including a silicon bracelet, a “Hope Will Lead Us On” t-shirt, a poster, a journal, all of their CD’s, a signed lanyard, two pins, and a songbook, but that’s not true. I own all of those things because they are pleasant reminders that God used BarlowGirl to change me for the better. I cry, not because I’m obsessed, but because I am still growing, and it would be nice to have new BarlowGirl music to help me grow. However, new BarlowGirl music is not in God’s plan, at least not at present.

So I let hope lead me on. Hope that maybe, one day Lauren, Alyssa, and Becca might come out with another album or tour. Hope that maybe one day, I will Come Alive and be one of the Million Voices to positively make an impact on the lives of those around me, maybe even as big of an impact as BarlowGirl has left on my life. Hope that even without new BarlowGirl music I will continue to grow until I eventually reach a Beautiful Ending. Hope that I will know I am Never Alone because God will always Stay with Me. Hope that even when I fall Harder than the First Time, I will always be strong enough and brave enough to go One More Round. Hope that when I Need God to Love Me, He will do one better and Sing Me a Love Song. Hope that when I come to Grey areas in my life, I will be able to make the right decisions. Hope that I will Take My Chances by proclaiming that I Don’t Regret choosing to Surrender my all to Jesus, when faced to decide whether I want to Keep Quiet or Let Go and let God. Hope that Tears will Fall and my Porcelain Heart will cry out with a Song for the Broken whenever unbiblical and immoral things take place. Hope that instead of being an Average Girl whose Clothes define her, I will look in the Mirror and see an Image of God’s Superstar. Hope that I won’t ever let 5 Minutes of Fame Take Me Away from the knowledge that My God’s Enough. Hope that I’ll say “Time for You to Go,” when I feel I’m putting someone on a Pedestal. Hope that when our Worlds Collide and I see Open Heavens, I will say, “Here’s My Life, for You Led Me,” rather than “I did this On My Own.” Hope that I will Believe in Love when “Sweet Revenge” shows its ugly face. Hope that Thoughts of God will lead me where Love is Marching. Hope that people will never say, “She Walked Away,” when describing who I am. Hope that when We Pray, we will realize that we need to act whenever the chance is given, because we recognize that we’re Running out of Time.

Hopeful in Christ,

Brittany Alexandria

 

 

P.S. Yes, of course, I know it’s rather cheesy to do the whole “write a story with every song title from your favorite artist” thing, but most of the song titles were perfectly fitting for what I wanted to say, so I decided to go all the way.

BarlowGirl–Track 1
BarlowGirl–Track 2
BarlowGirl–Track 3
BarlowGirl–Track 4
BarlowGirl–Track 5
BarlowGirl–Track 6
BarlowGirl–Track 7
BarlowGirl–Track 8
BarlowGirl–Track 9
BarlowGirl–Track 10
BarlowGirl–Track 11
BarlowGirl–Track 12 (Bonus Track)

Until next time this is Brittany Alexandria, daring you to keep obsessing over the things you love! Because we could always use more hope and passion in this world! xoxo

Find me on Twitter and Instagram – @ogbrittanyalex

Find my podcasts “The Mask; Her Aid” and “Obsessive Girl Podcast” on your favorite podcasting platforms.

Buy my book “The Mask; Her Aid” by Brittany Alexandria on Amazon for Kindle.

My Everything

Verse 1
I am scarred
I am bruised
I am marred
I’ve been used

You are Righteous
You are Pure
You are Highest
You’re my Cure

Chorus
I want You to know
You’re my Love, You’re my Hope
And You are the Reason I’m alive
You’re every Answer in my life
You are the only Air I breathe
And, You’re Everything I need

Verse 2
I am wretched
I am lowly
I’m dejected
I learn slowly

You are flawless
You know all
You are faultless
You don’t fall

Chorus
I want You to know
You’re my Love, You’re my Hope
You are the Reason I am alive
You’re the only Answer in my life
You are the only Air I breathe
And, You’re Everything I need

Yeah, Yeah

Chorus
I want You to know
You’re my Love, You’re my Hope
You are the Reason I am alive
You’re the only Answer in my life
You are the only Air I breathe
And, You’re Everything I need

Bridge
You are my love song
My right when all is wrong
You’re the reason that I sing
You are my everything

Chorus
I want You to know
You’re my Love, You’re my Hope
You are the Reason I am alive
You’re the only Answer in my life
You are the only Air I breathe
And, You’re Everything  I need

Until next time this is Brittany Alexandria, daring you to keep obsessing over the things you love! Because we could always use more hope and passion in this world! xoxo

Find me on Twitter and Instagram – @ogbrittanyalex

Find my podcasts “The Mask; Her Aid” and “Obsessive Girl Podcast” on your favorite podcasting platforms.

Buy my book “The Mask; Her Aid” by Brittany Alexandria on Amazon for Kindle.

My Delight is in Her

 

 

You shall be called by a new name, which the mouth of the Lord will name. You shall also be a crown of glory in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem (crown) in the hand of your God. You shall no longer be termed Forsaken, nor shall your land and more be termed Desolate; but you shall be called Hephzibah, and your land Beulah, for the Lord delights in you, and your land shall be married. And as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you.

Isaiah 62 (New King James Version)

  One of my three strongest spiritual gifts is the gift of Mercy. A spiritual gift test that I took, described the gift of mercy like this, “This is the spiritual gift where the Spirit enables certain Christians to minister to and have compassion for those who are suffering or afflicted.” Because I have this gift people know, whether consciously or subconsciously, that they can trust me and that I won’t judge them—or at least I try not to, sometimes my concern for people’s well-being and following of the commandments comes across as judgmental. Because people know they can trust me, I have several people, most often girls and women of almost all ages, share their stories and struggles with me.

  Every story is similar but not one is the same. Almost every woman’s struggle somehow stems from a lack of self-confidence, which more times than not is caused from something someone else told her. Someone says something and we as women often take it as, “You’re stupid,” “You’re ugly,” “You’re worthless,” or “You’re not good enough.” We become depressed our name becomes, “Stupid,” “Ugly,” and-or “Worthless.” After a while, it all becomes so overwhelming that we try changing things. We contemplate suicide, we attempt suicide, we cause self-harm, we acquire eating disorders, and the list goes on and on until we eventually reach the end of ourselves.

  Once we do reach the end of ourselves, we don’t know where else to go. The shame of situation makes us afraid or worried to tell the people we love most, and the disgracefulness of what we’ve done makes us worried to confess to God. Sometimes in these situations, we think God will be too disappointed in us. Other times, we’ve grown so used to the thought that everyone is judging us that we automatically assume that God will judge us. That He won’t be the loving God everyone claims He is. Still other times, we think that because we already asked Him to forgive us when we accepted His sacrifice that He could never forgive us again. Most of the time we think a combination of all three feelings and more, so instead of telling others or God about our situation, we wallow around in our own self-pity, until eventually we can’t take it anymore and we find ourselves on the bathroom floors pouring our hearts out to God.

  In that moment, we realize that the reason we feel so bad about ourselves is not because we are stupid, or ugly, or worthless, but because we were looking for worth in all the wrong places. We realize that instead of looking to God, who created us in His image, to define us, we look to people and the things of the world to find our definition. Once we realize this incredibly truth, we slowly gain the confidence to ask other people for help. We gain the confidence like a better and happier life. What do we do now though? We spent so long thinking we are ugly, stupid, and worthless, that we don’t know who we are anymore.

Well, let’s ask God Himself. In the New King James version of Isaiah 62:4 and 5c we are told,

4              “You shall no longer be termed Forsaken,

Nor shall your land and more be termed Desolate;

But you shall be called Hephzibah, and your land Beulah,

For the Lord delights in you,

And your land shall be married.

5              And as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride,

So shall your God rejoice over you.”

 

The New Living Translation says,

4              “Never again will you be called “The Forsaken City”

Or “The Desolate Land”

Your new name will be “The City of God’s Delight”

And “The Bride of God”

For the Lord delights in you

And will claim you as His Bride

5                              Then God will rejoice over you,                    

As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride.”

 

  We become known as Hephzibah, which means, “My delight is in her,” and Beulah, which means, “Married.” We finally know that if God delights in us, we cannot possibly be worthless. We know that as “The Bride of God” there is no way we can be ugly.

  If you’re reading this and you are struggling with something, please remember that you are Hephzibah and Beulah! You have no right or reason to think of yourself as stupid, ugly, or worthless. If you don’t believe me, have a real long talk with God and the Bible, until you come to the conclusion, that you are beautiful, priceless, and smart!

Until next time this is Brittany Alexandria, daring you to keep obsessing over the things you love! Because we could always use more hope and passion in this world! xoxo

Find me on Twitter and Instagram – @ogbrittanyalex

Find my podcasts “The Mask; Her Aid” and “Obsessive Girl Podcast” on your favorite podcasting platforms.

Buy my book “The Mask; Her Aid” by Brittany Alexandria on Amazon for Kindle.

I’m NOT Your Average Girl!

The song that showed me you don’t have to date. There is an option to simply wait.

 

A woman who has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit.

1 Corinthians 7:34 (New Living Translation)

 

  I am a nineteen-year-old all-American girl. I have golden brown hair, hazel blue eyes, fair skin, and a healthy figure. I love music and hanging out with my friends is my favorite activity. I am just like any other young adult my age. The only difference between the average teenager and me is that I don’t date. I’ve never held a guy’s hand. I’ve never kissed a boy nor had a boyfriend. And, I sure as anything have never slept with anyone.

  If you’re reading this and you don’t know me you’re probably assuming I was some homeschool kid who grew up in a very conservative family, but guess what you’re wrong. I was homeschooled from sixth grade to my first year of ninth grade, but from my second year in ninth grade until my graduation day (which isn’t until this May); I went to a “normal” school. No, it wasn’t a public school, but it was a private school. Oh, there it is, she went to an all-girl private school or some other kind of special school where dating is discouraged! Wrong again. I went to a simple private school where every single person in my class, including those whom you would consider less than dateable, had a boyfriend or girlfriend at one time or another. There was a six inch rule at school, but it was only enforced if people were caught kissing on school property, other than that dating was essentially encouraged as long as the guy was the pursuer and you were in high school.

  As for my family, I have a family that is conservative about what we watch and listen to, but other than that, the rules are fairly lax when it comes to most other things, just as long as they don’t go against Biblical morals. As for the family dating rules, there aren’t any set in stone except that there will be no members of the opposite sex alone in vehicles or bedrooms. So, as you can see I don’t get my no dating mentality from my school or family.

  A lot of people who know me better now than they ever have in the past, probably think I get my no dating mentality from my favorite band, BarlowGirl—the all-girl, sister rock band known for their stand against dating—but that isn’t true either. It is true that I got the idea from them, but it is not true that they are why I don’t date. Long before I became a BarlowGirl fan, I believed in courting rather than dating. This would mean I go out with a guy and a group or responsible adults for the intention of possibly marrying the guy. The only reason I ever believed in courting rather than dating, was because I didn’t know not dating at all was an option. I didn’t know that I could choose to be single until God brought my husband into my life and led him to me. Because I didn’t know about that option, I had made the decision to not date or court until after I graduated high school, because really what was the point in dating for marriage if I wasn’t old enough to get married in the first place? Then, at eighteen years old, I became an actual fan of BarlowGirl and Googled them to learn about whom they were and I learned that one of their greatest stands was that they choose to wait rather than date and I thought that was the coolest thing ever. Then and there, I committed that instead of dating I would choose to wait on God’s perfect timing and the following reasons are why:

1)        Dating wasn’t even an option until the very early 20th century. Prior to the 1900’s, and during much of the early 1900’s, young men who were interested in young women went to the young woman’s father and asked permission to court her. The father would then ask the young man what his intentions were with his daughter, and the young man would confess that he was looking to marry her. If the father gave him his blessing the young man and young woman would proceed to court each other—meaning they did things with each other’s families. After they courted for a while, the couple was usually married after “dating” only one person each.

  If for over two millennia (not including B.C.), “dating” only one person was how people got married, then why can’t it still be that way? Why do so many people automatically compare the past and not dating to having an arranged marriage? Courting happened much more often than arranged marriages.

2)        When God created Adam and discovered that he needed human companionship, He didn’t create multiple Eve’s, telling Adam to date them all and then decide who he wanted to marry. No, He made one Eve and told Adam that she would be his helpmate and lover. Why did God create only one Eve? Because, God knew Adam’s needs and desires and gave him one woman to take care of those needs and desires.

  The same thing applies to us today. If we will trust God to give us our perfect Adam or our perfect Eve, then He will give us at least one better than what we expect. God loves us and wants us to be happy; don’t you think He wants us to have to perfect spouse?

3)        Many people like to say dating is preparation for marriage. If that is true, which it essentially is, then wouldn’t that mean dating and breaking up is preparation for marriage and divorce? Dating relationships are like mini marriages. Every time a boy (or girl) pops the mini question of “Will you go out with me?” he experiences all of the emotions and anxieties that come with popping the big question of “Will you marry me?” The only difference is that the big question is on a grander scale. Every time a boyfriend and girlfriend break-up, it’s like a miniature divorce. The more you do something, the easier it becomes. The more you go into a dating relationship thinking, “Well, if it doesn’t work out, we can always break up,” the more likely it is that you will go into marriage thinking that if things don’t work out, divorce is always an option. Divorce should never be an option.

4)        For every boyfriend or girlfriend you have, you lose a piece of your heart. As cliché as that is, it could not be truer. I have not talked to a single friend who has been in a dating relationship, whether one relationship or multiple relationships, who did not feel like something was missing after that relationship was over. I don’t know about anyone else, but when I truly fall in love and marry, I want to be able to give my husband my whole heart, not a heart that has pieces missing here and there.

5)        Once you start dating, it becomes easier to have a physical relationship. First, you hold hands, but then you want to do more, so you start cuddling, then you kiss, and then eventually you have an extremely strong desire to do much more. You can make as many rules and boundaries as you want, but that doesn’t make it any less difficult to resist your physical desires. You’ll both become miserable because you have to try too hard to resist or you’ll give into the desire, because you’re “in love,” and then regret it later. Why make things hard? I would much rather wait and be happy, then make exceptions and be miserable. It’s not impossible to be happy with restraints, but it’s also not easy.

This blog entry is not to say dating is bad, because honestly, it’s not, dating can have some benefits, but waiting has even more benefits. This blog entry is not to discourage you from dating or to put you down if you do date, it’s simply to explain why I don’t date and to encourage others who choose not to date.

 

P.S. I do NOT think boys are bad. In fact, I think men are one of God’s greatest Creations! 😉 I am attracting to men just like any other woman and I talk about cute and attractive guys with my girl friends all the time! If you know me and look at my Facebook page, you’ll see that my timeline cover is proof of the fact that I like boys and think men are hot! 😉 Haha

 

2017 Update: I do still agree with most of what I wrote on February 16, 2013. At the time when I wrote this though, I was in a healthy place for the first time in a long time and a boyfriend or love interest would have contaminated my life in the most toxic way possible. While I still plan on waiting until I’m absolutely positive I’m interested enough in a guy that I think he’s hubby material, the only way that could happen is if I’ve been friends with him for a while or possibly if a very trusted friend introduces me to him and thinks we’d hit it off. Even then, it’d be more of a friendly hangout session for which I will pay for myself. Why make a guy pay unless I’m fully committed?

I’ve also thought long and hard about whether or not I plan to share my first kiss before my wedding day and honestly, I’m not entirely sure what I plan on doing yet. I’m not entirely against kissing in a serious relationship now, but I do still think it would be very sweet and romantic to save my first kiss for my wedding day. Why not? I’ll be saving everything else for the wedding night anyway.

Until next time this is Brittany Alexandria, daring you to keep obsessing over the things you love! Because we could always use more hope and passion in this world! xoxo

Find me on Twitter and Instagram – @ogbrittanyalex

Find my podcasts “The Mask; Her Aid” and “Obsessive Girl Podcast” on your favorite podcasting platforms.

Buy my book “The Mask; Her Aid” by Brittany Alexandria on Amazon for Kindle.

A Conversation with my Future Daughter

One day, when I have a daughter and she asks me about my firsts, my genuine desire is that the conversation will go something like this:

Daughter: “Mom, who was your first love?”
Me: “God” *said with a wry smile*
Daughter: *rolls eyes as if to say “wow mom”* “Well, I’d hope so mom, but I meant who was the first man you fell in love with?”
Me: *Points across the room* “Your father was my first love.”
Daughter: “Who was your first kiss?”
Me: “Your father.”
Daughter: “Who was your first boyfriend.”
Me: “Your father.”
Daughter: “Who was your first date?”
Me: “Again, your father.”
Daughter: “Wow. Really? When was your first kiss?”
Me: “Our wedding day, during the ceremony.”
Daughter: “Was it worth it?”
Me: “Yes actually, it was.”
Daughter: “Why did you wait?”
Me: “I waited, because I knew that no matter how long it took him to find me, your father would be worth the wait. I also knew that all of my friends who had been and were in relationships were rarely as happy as I was being single. I had no one to impress. So, all I had to worry about was being myself and pleasing the One who really matters–God. That’s not to say dating is wrong or that my friends who did date weren’t happy and were bad Christians. It’s simply to say that I knew that I personally could only be a “good Christian” by being single and waiting on God’s perfect timing.”
When I have kids I don’t want to say anything about dating or not dating until they come to me. Obviously there will be rules when it comes to relationships between people of the opposite sex, but until the time comes, I will simply guide them. Then when the topic arises I will encourage them to say no to dating and yes to waiting, but the only set in stone rule will be “no being alone with people of the opposite sex.” Waiting isn’t something I want to force on anyone, including my children, but it is something I want to encourage! ❤

2017 Update: I do still agree with most of what I wrote on February 16, 2013. At the time when I wrote this though, I was in a healthy place for the first time in a long time and a boyfriend or love interest would have contaminated my life in the most toxic way possible. While I still plan on waiting until I’m absolutely positive I’m interested enough in a guy that I think he’s hubby material, the only way that could happen is if I’ve been friends with him for a while or possibly if a very trusted friend introduces me to him and thinks we’d hit it off. Even then, it’d be more of a friendly hangout session for which I will pay for myself. Why make a guy pay unless I’m fully committed?

I’ve also thought long and hard about whether or not I plan to share my first kiss before my wedding day and honestly, I’m not entirely sure what I plan on doing yet. I’m not entirely against kissing in a serious relationship now, but I do still think it would be very sweet and romantic to save my first kiss for my wedding day. Why not? I’ll be saving everything else for the wedding night anyway.

Until next time this is Brittany Alexandria, daring you to keep obsessing over the things you love! Because we could always use more hope and passion in this world! xoxo

Find me on Twitter and Instagram – @ogbrittanyalex

Find my podcasts “The Mask; Her Aid” and “Obsessive Girl Podcast” on your favorite podcasting platforms.

Buy my book “The Mask; Her Aid” by Brittany Alexandria on Amazon for Kindle.

The Light of Life

            Fire was blazing all around me. All I felt was constant pain from continuously being burned. I wanted and needed to find a way out of that constant blaze, but I couldn’t because all I saw were orange flames raging all around me. They were everywhere! In front of me, to each of my sides, behind me, and even above me, there was no escaping. Why was I so naive? How could I have let myself get there in the first place? Did I really truly believe this could be my refuge? That it could be brighter and more prosperous than where I already was is beyond preposterous! Though it felt like I had been there for nearly a millennia, I had actually only been there for a short while. Still though, that short while was long enough to make me realize that change needed to happen. And it needed to happen immediately. I like to call that place the Abyss of Fire.

Prior to being in the Abyss of Fire, I was in another dark place, a place that I like to call the Desert of Distress. Originally, I had thought that the Desert of Distress was the worst place I could ever possibly be. I felt lonely, unloved, and worthless. In a crowd of people, I felt so alone. Amidst friends and family who constantly said they loved me, I felt hated. Every time I looked in the mirror, I felt worthless, because every time I tried something, I felt like I failed. I felt like every time people looked at me, they were judging me and thinking that I was stupid, incompetent, and worthless. There wasn’t a shadow of a doubt in my mind that the only way out of the Desert of Distress was to enter the Field of Sunshine. And, why not go to the Field of Sunshine? What could be so wrong about a Field of Sunshine?

Everyone I knew told me not to go. I even knew of some people who had gone to Field of Sunshine themselves and strongly suggested that no one even walk near the Field of Sunshine, but I didn’t listen. I didn’t understand what could be so wrong about sunshine. So, I went anyway. I went to the Field of Sunshine. My first day there was like a paradise vacation. The sun was shining and I had no responsibilities. The second day in the Field of Sunshine was just as blissful. On the third day, I still felt like nothing could possibly go wrong. Then the fourth day passed, and the fifth, sixth, seventh and eighth. The sun became much less enjoyable, my skin began to burn, and things slowly started to deteriorate. Then, all at once, the world around me burst into flames until all I could see was red-hot light. Suddenly, my Utopian Field of Sunshine became an Abyss of Fire.

Even when I closed my eyes, all I could see were tongues of fire threatening to engulf me. Sometimes, out of nowhere, the flames would flicker to the size of candle fires, and I would think the worst was behind me, but that was never the case. Whenever the candle fires appeared, I knew I had to fight off several beasts, until on their own time they chose to sleep. As soon as the beasts chose to sleep, the candle fires would burst into full-blown tongues of fire and burn once more, until the beasts chose to awaken. Not once were the beasts or flames ever fully gone, but every once in a while they would quiet down at the same moment. In those moments, I always felt hope, but as soon as I felt hope the beasts would waken and the flames would attack. So, in the few moments when neither the beasts nor flames were raging, I always tried very hard not to hope.

After a while, I eventually accepted the flames and beasts as my new life until one moment I suddenly wondered that maybe, just maybe, if I dared to hope with all my might and refused to quit fighting the beasts, then maybe the beasts could be killed and the fire would be extinguished. That’s when it happened. That’s when all at once the fires went away, the beasts disappeared, and darkness took over. I was slightly scared of the sudden darkness, but I accepted it as a welcome change from what I had grown used to having. After a few moments of darkness, a bright light appeared and I heard a voice calling my name, telling me to follow the light wherever it went. Because the voice was very deep and louder than I was used to hearing, it startled me, but I chose to quite literally take a step of faith and follow the light.

It’s been a while since I took that first step of faith, obeying a voice that I wasn’t absolutely sure I could trust. As nervous as I was to choose to follow an unknown voice, the decision to follow what I now call the Light of Life was the best decision I have ever made and I can’t tell you how grateful I am for the light that has led me thus far. If you feel like you are in a Desert of Distress and you’re looking for a way out, instead of looking for a Field of Sunshine look for the Light of Life.

Until next time this is Brittany Alexandria, daring you to keep obsessing over the things you love! Because we could always use more hope and passion in this world! xoxo

Find me on Twitter and Instagram – @ogbrittanyalex

Find my podcasts “The Mask; Her Aid” and “Obsessive Girl Podcast” on your favorite podcasting platforms.

Buy my book “The Mask; Her Aid” by Brittany Alexandria on Amazon for Kindle.