A woman who has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit.
1 Corinthians 7:34 (New Living Translation)
I am a nineteen-year-old all-American girl. I have golden brown hair, hazel blue eyes, fair skin, and a healthy figure. I love music and hanging out with my friends is my favorite activity. I am just like any other young adult my age. The only difference between the average teenager and me is that I don’t date. I’ve never held a guy’s hand. I’ve never kissed a boy nor had a boyfriend. And, I sure as anything have never slept with anyone.
If you’re reading this and you don’t know me you’re probably assuming I was some homeschool kid who grew up in a very conservative family, but guess what you’re wrong. I was homeschooled from sixth grade to my first year of ninth grade, but from my second year in ninth grade until my graduation day (which isn’t until this May); I went to a “normal” school. No, it wasn’t a public school, but it was a private school. Oh, there it is, she went to an all-girl private school or some other kind of special school where dating is discouraged! Wrong again. I went to a simple private school where every single person in my class, including those whom you would consider less than dateable, had a boyfriend or girlfriend at one time or another. There was a six inch rule at school, but it was only enforced if people were caught kissing on school property, other than that dating was essentially encouraged as long as the guy was the pursuer and you were in high school.
As for my family, I have a family that is conservative about what we watch and listen to, but other than that, the rules are fairly lax when it comes to most other things, just as long as they don’t go against Biblical morals. As for the family dating rules, there aren’t any set in stone except that there will be no members of the opposite sex alone in vehicles or bedrooms. So, as you can see I don’t get my no dating mentality from my school or family.
A lot of people who know me better now than they ever have in the past, probably think I get my no dating mentality from my favorite band, BarlowGirl—the all-girl, sister rock band known for their stand against dating—but that isn’t true either. It is true that I got the idea from them, but it is not true that they are why I don’t date. Long before I became a BarlowGirl fan, I believed in courting rather than dating. This would mean I go out with a guy and a group or responsible adults for the intention of possibly marrying the guy. The only reason I ever believed in courting rather than dating, was because I didn’t know not dating at all was an option. I didn’t know that I could choose to be single until God brought my husband into my life and led him to me. Because I didn’t know about that option, I had made the decision to not date or court until after I graduated high school, because really what was the point in dating for marriage if I wasn’t old enough to get married in the first place? Then, at eighteen years old, I became an actual fan of BarlowGirl and Googled them to learn about whom they were and I learned that one of their greatest stands was that they choose to wait rather than date and I thought that was the coolest thing ever. Then and there, I committed that instead of dating I would choose to wait on God’s perfect timing and the following reasons are why:
1) Dating wasn’t even an option until the very early 20th century. Prior to the 1900’s, and during much of the early 1900’s, young men who were interested in young women went to the young woman’s father and asked permission to court her. The father would then ask the young man what his intentions were with his daughter, and the young man would confess that he was looking to marry her. If the father gave him his blessing the young man and young woman would proceed to court each other—meaning they did things with each other’s families. After they courted for a while, the couple was usually married after “dating” only one person each.
If for over two millennia (not including B.C.), “dating” only one person was how people got married, then why can’t it still be that way? Why do so many people automatically compare the past and not dating to having an arranged marriage? Courting happened much more often than arranged marriages.
2) When God created Adam and discovered that he needed human companionship, He didn’t create multiple Eve’s, telling Adam to date them all and then decide who he wanted to marry. No, He made one Eve and told Adam that she would be his helpmate and lover. Why did God create only one Eve? Because, God knew Adam’s needs and desires and gave him one woman to take care of those needs and desires.
The same thing applies to us today. If we will trust God to give us our perfect Adam or our perfect Eve, then He will give us at least one better than what we expect. God loves us and wants us to be happy; don’t you think He wants us to have to perfect spouse?
3) Many people like to say dating is preparation for marriage. If that is true, which it essentially is, then wouldn’t that mean dating and breaking up is preparation for marriage and divorce? Dating relationships are like mini marriages. Every time a boy (or girl) pops the mini question of “Will you go out with me?” he experiences all of the emotions and anxieties that come with popping the big question of “Will you marry me?” The only difference is that the big question is on a grander scale. Every time a boyfriend and girlfriend break-up, it’s like a miniature divorce. The more you do something, the easier it becomes. The more you go into a dating relationship thinking, “Well, if it doesn’t work out, we can always break up,” the more likely it is that you will go into marriage thinking that if things don’t work out, divorce is always an option. Divorce should never be an option.
4) For every boyfriend or girlfriend you have, you lose a piece of your heart. As cliché as that is, it could not be truer. I have not talked to a single friend who has been in a dating relationship, whether one relationship or multiple relationships, who did not feel like something was missing after that relationship was over. I don’t know about anyone else, but when I truly fall in love and marry, I want to be able to give my husband my whole heart, not a heart that has pieces missing here and there.
5) Once you start dating, it becomes easier to have a physical relationship. First, you hold hands, but then you want to do more, so you start cuddling, then you kiss, and then eventually you have an extremely strong desire to do much more. You can make as many rules and boundaries as you want, but that doesn’t make it any less difficult to resist your physical desires. You’ll both become miserable because you have to try too hard to resist or you’ll give into the desire, because you’re “in love,” and then regret it later. Why make things hard? I would much rather wait and be happy, then make exceptions and be miserable. It’s not impossible to be happy with restraints, but it’s also not easy.
This blog entry is not to say dating is bad, because honestly, it’s not, dating can have some benefits, but waiting has even more benefits. This blog entry is not to discourage you from dating or to put you down if you do date, it’s simply to explain why I don’t date and to encourage others who choose not to date.
P.S. I do NOT think boys are bad. In fact, I think men are one of God’s greatest Creations! 😉 I am attracting to men just like any other woman and I talk about cute and attractive guys with my girl friends all the time! If you know me and look at my Facebook page, you’ll see that my timeline cover is proof of the fact that I like boys and think men are hot! 😉 Haha
2017 Update: I do still agree with most of what I wrote on February 16, 2013. At the time when I wrote this though, I was in a healthy place for the first time in a long time and a boyfriend or love interest would have contaminated my life in the most toxic way possible. While I still plan on waiting until I’m absolutely positive I’m interested enough in a guy that I think he’s hubby material, the only way that could happen is if I’ve been friends with him for a while or possibly if a very trusted friend introduces me to him and thinks we’d hit it off. Even then, it’d be more of a friendly hangout session for which I will pay for myself. Why make a guy pay unless I’m fully committed?
I’ve also thought long and hard about whether or not I plan to share my first kiss before my wedding day and honestly, I’m not entirely sure what I plan on doing yet. I’m not entirely against kissing in a serious relationship now, but I do still think it would be very sweet and romantic to save my first kiss for my wedding day. Why not? I’ll be saving everything else for the wedding night anyway.
Until next time this is Brittany Alexandria, daring you to keep obsessing over the things you love! Because we could always use more hope and passion in this world! xoxo
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