Have you ever had a close friend whom you thought would always be there for you but wasn’t because you grew apart and now you don’t even talk? I grew up with a girl whom I thought would always be my best friend and now it’s been over six months since I last talked to her and it really sucks! I’ve always known that writing song lyrics and sometimes poems was one of the best ways to find healing, but throughout the past year, I’ve also learned that general writing, particularly writing this that I can post in a blog post, is also a great way to find healing. Therefore, I’m writing another open letter and this time it’s for the girl whom I thought would always be my closest friend but is really no longer here. From here on out, she will be known as CBF (childhood best friend). You know how people and love songs always talk about things that bring a flood of memories rushing back so said person/singer tries to avoid those things as much as possible? That doesn’t just happen for past romantic relationships, I’ve learned that it also happens for past relationships in general. When we were in high school, my CBF introduced me to a Canadian show called “Heartland.” This show quickly became my favorite show and every time it came on new, she and I would talk about it together the next day at school (we watched it when people uploaded it to YouTube). About three years ago, I stopped watching “Heartland” as it came on new and only watch it sometimes in spirts. Not because I don’t want to watch it, because I actually really do want to watch. Actually, about an hour ago I realized the reason I haven’t watched it very much is because at about the same time I stopped watching it, I also graduated high school and in turn last most communication with my CBF. Realizing this and a few other things in the past few weeks is what prompted me to write this post.
I don’t know if you ever pay any attention to my Facebook posts, but if you do and you happen to read this, I just want you to know you will always hold a very dear place in my heart. We grew up together and that will always mean something. We went to the same church every Sunday, played volleyball and basketball together, went to the same high school, hand more sleepovers at your house than I can possibly imagine, shared secrets, we even had a crush on the same guy at one point (not that we had many options, there were only ten guys in our church and school). You were my best friend and my sister. I’ll never forget the times we shared together—every one of your birthdays from 8 to 18 (I think) and for the last time, my 20th birthday sleepover at your house. Do you remember that time we jumped on your trampoline with a water hose shooting toward the sky while did a rain dance and sang/prayed for it to rain and it actually did? I do. I remember it all. We were ridiculous, but we were best friends, and that was all that mattered.
At some point in high school though, we slowly started to grow apart. I didn’t want to believe it at the time, especially because everyone kept saying “you rarely keep your high school friends,” but I can admit it now. They were right. We were childhood friends and eventually high school friends, but it barely extended farther than that. We graduated high school, left our childhood church to go to different churches, moved to opposite ends of town (away from the neighborhoods across from each other where we grew up) and we made new friends, heck, you even got married! Me, I’m still single with no potential prospects at this time, but I’m happy. I have a new best friend/sister now, someone you met when you visited my church once or twice, but as much as I love my new best friend, she has her own special place in my heart, a place that can and will never replace or fill your place in my heart. No, that place in my heart will remain filled with the memories we built together as children and teenagers for as long as I shall live.
If I’m being honest with myself and you, the likelihood of you being the best friend I have when I have kids one day, like we always talked about, is very slim. That’s okay though, because just like I’ll be able to tell my kids one day about my first “love,” I’ll also be able to tell them about my first best friend. As I share these memories of us with my kids, I’ll look back on fondly and always remember that when I needed someone you were there! For a while, you were one of the few people who knew about the drama my family went through at times, and I’ll also never forget that. I remember one day in particular on a December night before Christmas City, I showed at church with tearstains on my face because my parents had been fighting again. You asked me if everything was okay and I lied, but you gave me a knowing look, a hug, and in so many words told me everything would be okay. Our best friendship may have ended rather abruptly and we may have faced a few dramatic moments toward the end, but I want you to know that I love you sweet sister and I’ll never forget the childhood we shared together! You helped me grow into the woman I am today and I’ll always remember that!
So, dear CBF, thank you for the cherished memories! They will be held softly in my heart forever! Thank you for always being there for me! Thanks for putting up with my crap! That’s for loving me even though you knew the worst sides of me! Thank you for letting me come to your bridal shower and wedding, even after we had already grown apart for the most part at that point. Honestly, just thank you for everything! I hope that at some point you might come across this post, read it, and remember all the memories I’ve remembered while writing this open letter. I hope and pray for the best for you and your husband. You deserve the very best and I’m sure you’re going to get it! I know you’ll know who you are, if for no other reason than the fact that I mentioned “Heartland,” and I’m sure most other people will also know who you are, so please remember one thing: Even though we’re not close anymore and even though we haven’t talked in at least six months, you’re still special to me, I still love you, and I’ll always be here for you if you ever need me!